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(another rare multi-post day)

I may have spoken (written?) too soon: anti-depressants may very likely be my enemy after all, and a formidable and very insidious one at that — while poking around on Stef’s blog I found this article on anti-depressants’ tendency to kill romance (GREAT article, Stef!) that was originally printed in the Wall Street Journal (one of the very few media sources for which I have even a modicum of respect); the content is highly relevant and timely for my personal situation right now… rather than reprint the entire article here on my blog (and get sucked into worrying about copyright, etc.), I’ve simply provided links to the article, but please PLEASE PLEASE, if you’re on anti-depressants (like I am right now) and you do nothing else today, please read this article just so you can make a more informed choice…

the way I see it, I only have three options:

1) stay on anti-depressants, which means

  • PROS: at least I’m not terrorizing my family for half the month every month
  • CONS: I watch my marriage slowly disintegrate b/c intimacy (emotional, physical, any kind of intimacy) is a need for both of us that’s suppressed by my meds, but my being on meds means my poor DH actually feels the void created by a lack of intimacy, but I don’t

    (is it just me, or do the pros not even come close to the same weight as the cons…?)

    2) get off the Zoloft NOW, which means

      • PROS: I’ll actually be able (and want) to FEEL again, not merely function (isn’t that what robots do, function w/o feeling…? not much of a life)
      • CONS: I’ll put my entire family through absolute hell every month for half the month b/c my hormones are still totally screwed up

      (the pros come closer to the weight of the cons here, but I still think I’d rather the adults be the ones bearing the brunt of the problem than subject our children to my horrifying rage)

      3) begin bioidentical hormone replacement therapy, which means

      • PROS: my body will have the natural assistance it needs to function properly, which I presume includes having (and actually feeling) emotional needs and even recognizing and wanting to fulfill the emotional needs of others, as well as relief from the hormone-induced depression that dominates my (and my entire family’s) life
      • CONS: I’ll have to stay on the treatment and continually work w/a doctor to maintain proper dosages for the rest of my life

      this is the ONLY option where the pros definitely outweigh the cons, which to me makes it the only truly viable option — that’s why I’m so excited about my dr appt on the 17th that I can hardly stand it…! that was the soonest they could get me in, and I keep telling myself that I can do anything for just 2 more weeks…