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these last couple of weeks have been filled w/unexpected and very powerful personal insights.

for example, on Wed, 8 Oct, I was discussing w/a friend some disruptive and distressing conditions that currently exist in my life, when she suddenly looked at me w/something akin to pity and said (in effect), “oh honey, you haven’t figured out how to control your power as a woman yet, have you?” my response: blank stare — the non-verbal version of “huh??” so she explained to me something I’d never really seriously considered before: “men have been given the authority to preside, and they have some little creative power, but to women is given almost incomprehensible power to create — I don’t mean arranging flowers or drawing sketches or even the amazing ability to carry and give birth to a child, but the power to create worlds, through our words and actions. BUT, since we know there is opposition in all things, w/the power to create comes equal power to destroy. you have to learn how to use your powers only for good!” she said that last part to lighten things up a bit, but it struck a nerve.

I recounted her comments to my father, who surprised me by his good-natured agreement: “the Lord gives limited creative power to men, that’s the best way to make sure we don’t mess things up too badly.”

a few nights later, as I lay trying to sleep (and failing), my brain would NOT shut down, thinking and re-thinking the implications of this tremendous creative-destructive power, and I realized that nothing can be created w/o destroying something else. I’m not talking about the crudely simplistic “you can’t make an omelet w/o breaking some eggs” thing; reality is much more sophisticated and elegant:

when text is created, blankness is destroyed

when sound is created, silence is destroyed

when trust is created, suspicion is destroyed

when hope is created, despair is destroyed

when obedience* is created, defiance is destroyed
*it’s critical to note that obedience can ONLY be created from within oneself — attempting to create obedience in others is called compulsion, which destroys free will; the only exception to this is in children who’ve not yet reached the age of accountability (8yo, generally accepted by even secular professionals such as developmental psychologists as the average age at which children can distinguish between right and wrong and between fantasy and reality; this developmental milestone is naturally dependent upon the child being given appropriate and adequate instruction, or the responsibility for failure remains w/the parent [D&C 68:25]) and have therefore not yet developed the ability to create obedience within themselves.

when love is created, apathy is destroyed (HA! bet you thought I was going to say “hate,” huh? let me submit to you that love and hate are actually different expressions of the same emotion, and that the opposite of both is actually apathy)

I could go on and on, ad nauseum ad infinitum, but I’ll refrain.

obviously the flip side is that the destruction of something inexorably creates something else: if trust is destroyed, suspicion is created, etc.

I’m meeting w/someone next week who’ll hopefully be able to help me harness my power to create, thereby also controlling the corresponding destructive ability…