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By rights my neighbours should probably hate me: I got a wild hair last night and decided I needed to make chocolate chip cookie dough. At 11.45pm. With a hand mixer. (I’m counting on the kitchen being far enough away from the bedrooms that their hatred will be limited to giving me dirty looks on the stairs.)

Okay, technically it’s NOT chocolate chip cookie dough, because I’m sure if you tried baking with this it would be an epic cookie fail — there’s a reason Amy at Oh, Bite It! called this cookie dough schmear: there’s no egg in it. None. Not even egg substitute. Hence the “almost-guiltless,” because even without raw egg I still feel a little guilty snarfing nibbling on raw cookie dough. But it’s so yummy I squashed that little bit of guilt like an ugly bug in the bathtub and swooned through half a dozen spoonfuls of the stuff before finally brushing my teeth and flopping into bed next to an amused Johnny Lingo.

I even remembered to take a pic this morning (haven’t yet figured out how to counteract the awful lighting in my house at night) while there’s still some left. You’re welcome.


I noticed my schmear has a creamier-looking consistency than Amy’s, but that’s probably because I used all 4 Tbsp of milk. Plus a little extra for good measure. I figured I’d soften up my rock-hard brown sugar* with the butter and milk — seemed to work well enough, and I rather like the consistency of the schmear. Or at least I did last night when it was freshly made. I’m going to attempt to exercise a modicum of self-control and leave the schmear alone until Glam gets home because I’m pretty sure that’s the only way she’ll get any and then I’ll evaluate how the consistency of the schmear changed since sitting covered overnight in the fridge — I suspect it thickened up a bit, but I may have to have several spoonfuls to be sure…

*Yes, I have a brown sugar bear; no, I haven’t put him (back) in the bag of brown sugar yet — it was midnight and I wasn’t thinking, “How can I soften this geological specimen of brown sugar to the point that it’s actually usable?”; I was thinking, “Want cookie dough!”

And yet somehow I was coherent enough to grab the kosher salt, which I think has a fuller-bodied flavour than regular table salt. Good call.

If you haven’t tried Amy’s cookie dough schmear recipe yet, you need to. Now. No really, NOW. It’s quite delicious and I can’t be the only one regretting that it will probably go directly to my hips. You might be surprised by all the things this is yummy schmeared on — personally I tend to favour fingers, since I always have them on hand. (Okay, that was bad. But I couldn’t resist.)

It does have butter and milk in it, so be sure you store it in the fridge. If it makes it to the fridge.